Last night I sat my dear little friend here down to enjoy a plate of pasta and True Life: I'm a Streetcar Racer. I had the food on my lap and the computer, lid open, on the coffee table.
About 10 minutes into watching some fine MTV programming, I saw billowing smoke.
"Is my computer on fire," I asked the Tall Drink of Water.
Short pause. More smoke. Then I cried, "My baby!"
I snatched my laptop from the candle's licking flame and caressed the hot monitor. I was horrified. And like anyone who's probably to blame for damaging one of their most prized posessions, I blamed someone else.
"Why the hell did you light that damn candle anyway," I snapped at him. "You never light candles!"
As I tried to scrape off the blackening and ran my fingers over the bubbling plastic, TDW said, "Oh, I'm sorry your computer got a little bit burned, but it wasn't my fault. It still works. Look, it has character now."
Had I not been in shock I might have said, "It's an Apple, it already has character," as K-Hud said today when I was recounting this horrible, horrible tale. (I felt justified in my initial dramatic reaction when my coworkers exclaimed "Oooh!" "Oh nooooo!" and "Oh my god, this is absolutely the worst thing ever!" when I pulled it from my bag so they could see the damage.)
As he tried to console me and clean off the burn marks, I scowled at him and told him I didn't want it to have "character."
"It was perfect. Now it's blistered and scarred," I hissed.
Then I felt bad for being so mean.
"Awww... I'm sorry," I said. "You're the most gorgeous iBook in the world, no matter what."
8 comments:
Let me get this straight, it still functions properly, just as before correct? Goes to show you can't judge an iBook by the cover.
Correct. It's exactly the same, except now it's burned.
The only thing you can judge about an iBook from its cover is that it's perfect inside and outside, no matter what.
You wouldn't be able to tell if you had a Dell.
Blasphemy!
That's because Dell's come out of the factory burned.
Sister Gina,
I will pray for stylish companion this evening and ask the good people of Chicago Baptist Church to put your charred computer in their words as well.
I recommend renaming your machine the iSmoke and emailing Steve Jobs regarding your breakthrough.
Thank you, Reverend. I appreciate your thoughts at this difficult and trying time. (Made even more trying at the suggestion that I should own a Dell.)
Reverend,
Could you also please say a few prayers for our Sister Jen, and maybe throw in an exorcism if you have the time, because clearly she's being lead down the path of evil by the demon she refers to as "Dell."
Yo, what about Dancelife? I don't wanna read about no skanky ass computer. Dancelife! Dancelife! Dancelife!
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