Lessons Learned - Dancelife Preview

The preview of the premiere of J. Lo's Dancelife (I know, whatever MTV) was this afternoon at 1 p.m., and since I'd vowed to go to the gym for the first time in over a month, I decided to watch it while on the treadmill.

Huzzah!

It was genius, because not only did I go farther than I would have had it not been on, but I was so into it that I ran during the commercials because of all the sculpted abs on there. ("Gotta get in shape, Gotta audition for Dancelife!")

A few of the lessons learned from 1 to 1:30 p.m. this afternoon during Dancelife.

1. Giant hoop earrings are a must-have for any burgeoning hip-hop dancer; ditto for baggy capri pants, preferably in camouflage.

2. Long hair is another must. Fake hair? Go on, girl. Tearing off your weave in the middle of your audition and throwing it onto the floor is certain to get you a call-back.

3. It's cool to say "the business" - a lot - when referring to life as a dancer.

4. I agree with Nolan that Blake is a diva beeyotch.

5. Gymnastics and tumbling is a good subsitute when you a.) can't think of any dance moves or b.) don't have any actual dance skill or c.) both

6. Marc Antony, in his little blue skull cap looks tiny and roachlike, but seems good-natured and likeable.

7. J. Lo is completely likeable. (Full disclosure: While it's uncool to admit this, I am in love with J. Lo and Dancelife and am forcing - against his better judgement - the Tall Drink of Water to DVR it.)

And though I didn't learn this on the treadmill, it's still important to note: My body fat is .3 percent lower than The Tall Drink of Water's body fat. Which means he is made up almost entirely of pudding, while I am awesome and svelte.