Thursday, September 15, 2016

How To Tie a Bowtie

Nailed it.
   
Dudes who wear bowties have a certain vibe. They seem cooler, funnier, and able to get away with things necktie wearers can't.

Hah, look at bowtie guy, doing the worm on the dance floor! So awesome!

Versus:

Look at necktie bro, doing the worm on the dance floor. Yikes

Style and intrigue in a single knot. How hard could it be? 

How to Tie a Bowtie  

1. Watch YouTube videos.
2. Watch YouTube videos while also looking into a mirror.
3. Get everything backwards.
4. Get sweaty and irritated in the hot bedroom. Exclaim: "DID YOU TURN THE AIR CONDITIONING OFF?!" to your super cool, patient wife who is just trying to help you. 
5. Wither as you watch your wife crumple into laughter at your struggle.
6. Repeat steps 1-3 several more times.
7. Show your wife the finished product.
8. Hmm. Close enough.
9. Run pantless through the wedding reception. (Look at that hilarious guy in the bowtie!)

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

What To Expect With a Cat Named Chuck Norris

 
While everyone else is sharing back-to-school photos of their adorable kids, I want to share this photo of my little murderer. 

I went into the bedroom last night to find Chuck Norris standing over the lifeless body of a mouse. When I got over being horrified there might be a dead mouse in the bedroom, I then felt horrified there might NOT be a dead mouse in the bedroom.

What if it resurrects itself when I pick him up to throw him out?! What if it runs under the bed?!

I pondered all of this while Chuck batted the mouse's little dead body around and tried to carry him away. Poor mouse. He was cute. 

Don't let this incredibly handsome face fool you, Chuck Norris is aptly named.  

Art muse, murderer, iconoclast. The cat has plans. 
 

Saturday, August 06, 2016

It Exists


I thought Jess was joking when she said the cheese plate at Bouquet is called The Motherboard. 

I thought she meant she called it the motherboard because it was the mother lode of cheese and meat or something. Some hyperbole to go along with our happy hour on Friday.  

She wasn't joking. It is called that, and it is the mother lode.    

Four cured meats, five cheeses... 'a multitude of accompaniments,' the menu says. 

Sure, Bouquet offers other Charcuterie plates. But please, but why would you get those when there is The Motherboard.

Jess's urban farm supplies Bouquet (and others) with some of their locally grown vegetables, including squash blossoms. Though Friday's squash blossoms didn't come from Yogi and the Farmer, we still had to have an order.   

Bouquet stuffs them with parmesan mousse and fries them, then serves them with cherry tomatoes, summer squash and chive emulsion. I could have eaten 20 of them, easily. (They come in orders of two.)

They should call them crack blossoms.

Truth be told, whenever we get squash blossoms in our farm-share, I give them to the neighbor. I had never in my life heard of eating squash blossoms before, and I hadn't eaten any of them until Friday night. 

I didn't know what I was missing. 

Before we knew it happy hour had turned into happy hours and it was it 8 o'clock already. (Thankfully I was DVRing the Rio 2016 Opening Ceremonies.) 

If you're looking for a spot in the Cov though, I highly recommend a seat at the bar at Bouquet and the Motherboard. And don't forget the side of squash blossoms.
 



Also, I'm a bit on a roll in Covington recently. 

Last week I was supposed to meet friends at Otto's but after some confusion with the reservation, we ended up at Lisse instead. Lisse is the brand new steakhouse in the old Chez Nora spot, and the transformation is spectacular. (Gone is the ratty old carpet and sewer smell, replaced with modern fixtures and a bright, clean look.)

They hadn't had their grand opening yet but already it was packed with reservations and folks at the bar. Since we weren't really looking to spend a small fortune steak that night, we opted for appetizers, salads and a gigantic bowl of mac and cheese to share. Good stuff.