Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Flat Abs In Just 3 Days, Thanks Norovirus!

Are you fed up with diets that don't work? Pills that are costly and turn out to NOT be a magic bullet? Are you tired of going to the gym and not seeing results?

Well friends, then Norovirus is for you.

This little dynamo packs a punch, right to your belly. You'll spend just minutes at each session contracting your abs while vomiting, but it will feel like hours. Over several days, these contractions will add up to an abdominal workout like you've never felt.

After only three days with Norovirus - just one weekend, my friends! - I found that I have killer abs!

Sure it's only a two-pack (for now), but still, killer. My stomach has never been so flat. Not being able to hold down food, and then only broth and popsicles, has advantages. It melts the muffin top right off!

Don't let words like "acute gastroenteritis," "throwing up," "diarrhea" or "dizzyiness" scare you. That's just your body releasing "toxins."

Norovirus is even better than the Master Cleanse, which forces you to consume lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper, leaving you hungry and mean. With norovirus you can't keep anything down, which means even less calories. Plus, you'll have no taste for food and be too exhausted to be mean!

What's better than all this?! There are no special products to buy. No more foods you should NEVER eat, because you won't be able to eat any foods with this magical weight loss system. Everything is off limits! You won't even care that other people are enjoying large plates of pasta or chocolate cake. Just the sight of those things will make you want to puke!

Norovirus is not for everyone. Only people who are very, very interested in flat abs should attempt this "diet." In fact, it's not even called a diet because it doesn't feel like dieting, that's how magical it is!


Find someone infected with norovirus. (Hint: They're easy to spot by their sunken, dehydrated eyes, vomiting and inability to leave the bathroom.) Then touch that person repeatedly and put your hands in your mouth. Do not wash your hands! This might inhibit your body's ability to embrace this lovely weight loss virus.

Good luck, and show off those abs!

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