Wednesday, August 19, 2009

It's Raining Women, Hallelujah

Like all other sane, normal women, I hate baby showers.

I like babies and pregnant women fine enough, but I hate sitting around on Sunday afternoons guessing baby food flavors and pretending it's funny when everyone over-estimates by a football field the size of the mother-to-be's belly.

It's just not my idea of a good time. Because, like I said, I am sane.

I've actually gotten more mellow about it with age, though. The last few showers I've been to were fun, and I was happy to be there chatting with people I don't get to talk to that much. If I have to draw a picture of what the baby might look like to catch up with an old friend, then so be it.

Full disclosure though: I was briefly infamous in my former workplace for busting out of a particularly endless shower "early" - it was going on 3 hours people, what do you want from me?! - and the mom-to-be had just then started opening presents.

Do you know how long that takes? FOR. EVER. I figured I put in my two-plus hours, and I bolted.

Several days later my boss called me into his office wanting to know if "everything is ok" because several colleagues had reported back to him (god knows why) that I was acting strangely at a baby shower.

"No, I'm fine... It's just that it was already three hours long and everyone is being polite and all and so the soon-to-be-mom always slowly unwraps things - instead of really tearing into it like you're supposed to with presents - and then she holds each thing up, item by item and passes it around while everyone 'oohs' and 'ahhhs' over pacifiers and breast pads.

And that's not even the half of it. There's the games, Oh god the games!"

I think he caught my drift.

But like I said, I'm more amenable now, more able to embrace such things. Plus I like finger foods.

Ok get on with it here, Daugherty. Deep breath. Deep breath.

All right here goes... In a stunning twist of fate, I, Gina Daugherty, am throwing a baby shower... Complete with baby food and belly size guessing games.

But wait, there's more! Not only am a hosting it, I volunteered. And not just volunteered, I insisted.

There were many good reasons for this I won't get in to, but I will say that so far I've enjoyed buying invitations and cute plates and all kinds of stuff for little gift bags for everyone. I'm even excited about tying balloons to the front of the apartment building this weekend.

I feel like they announce, "Hey someone is having a baby!" and "Someone else is a party planner extraordinaire!"

I might hate baby showers, but I love to entertain, y'all.

Still, I promise all you women who might be coming to this magical event that it will last 2 hours and not a minute longer. Because once the clock strikes 4 p.m. on Sunday I will seriously kick your asses out. For which I know you will be grateful and silently thank me.

And do drop in for a piece of cake if you're in the neighborhood. It's gonna be NASCAR themed and I ordered a whole bunch of it. (Jk. Or am I?)

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