Thursday, January 29, 2009

What Is Now Known As "The Snow Incident of '09"

The Blue Angel was NOT. HAPPY.

Out of a deep, blissful sleep I was awakened at 2 a.m. this morning by the freakishly loud and obnoxious door buzzer of my apartment.


It was so consistent and uniform Adam thought there was a short in it. I figured it was a disgruntled ex of a resident looking to throw a snowball at said ex; or maybe someone had gotten locked out in the snow.

Either way, I was pissed. In my pajama pants, tank top and bare feet, I padded down the three flights of stairs to the door prepared to choke-out whoever it was.

It was a police officer.

Hmm... Am I about to get arrested? Have I done anything arrest-worthy lately? Am I being subpoenaed? Is another resident in trouble somewhere? Oh god no, did someone die?

Of all of the things that when through my head that she could have said, "Are you parked on Madison" was not one of them. Which is what she said.

Uhh yeah, I stammered.

She told me my car was about to be towed and ticketed because of the snow emergency, but if I'd kindly move it they'd spare me the hassle. I thanked her for telling me and told her I'd be right down. This time with some shoes on.

"But just to be sure, what does the car look like," I asked her. "You know, before I go out into the cold?"

It's your car, she said. "I ran your license plate. That's how I knew you lived here and how I knew you were home."

Ohhh yeah!

Back upstairs I tell Adam the sitch and we both remark at how amazingly consistent she was in her buzzer ringing, to the point where we were both driven mad by it. Kudos to her.

We both put on our jackets and boots and Adam volunteers to move the car for me. I thank him but refuse. It's my car and I was the one who parked on the street during the snow emergency, it's only right that I drag out and move it. He insists. I insist. I walk out the door, he walks out behind me.

It doesn't take two people to move a car, but whatever dude, I'm thinking.

The tow truck was all up on the Blue Angel. I could tell she had steeled herself for the violence the tow truck was about to inflict on her, like a cat who hunkers down on the couch when you're trying to push him off when he refuses to be pushed (Cassius).

I reassure the Blue Angel this will be over soon enough. I start her up, put her into first and then "WHRRRRR. WHRRRR!" Great. We're stuck.

The kindly tow truck driver starts shoveling out the front tires and Adam gets behind the wheel. (Who'd have thought he'd be useful?!) The cop, meanwhile, is roaming the neighborhood looking for other car owners to warn.

As Adam tries to get the car out, I start pushing the Blue Angel forward using the open door and the roof as my leverage.

Adam looks up at me from the passenger seat and calmly asks, "What are you doing?"

Duh! I am so clearly going to push this 2,000 pound car out of two feet of plowed snow with my 120 pound frame. What does it look like I'm doing?!

Shockingly, the car doesn't budge. The tow truck driver shovels some more and Adam and I switch spots.

Heave-HO! Heave-HO!

Nothing. More shoveling.

Heave-HO! Heave-HO! Heave-HO! And just about then the Blue Angel lurches atop a snow heap and cascades back down. We're free! I drive about 20 feet to turn into onto my side-street and drive right into another giant bank of snow, this time even deeper. "WHRRRRR!!"

My WEEEE! turns into weeee. :(

Adam starts pushing again. No dice. So he goes to borrow the tow truck driver's shovel. Shoveling, shoveling, shoveling. Heave-HO! Rocking. Heave-HO! Rocking.

Ugh. More shoveling, more burning rubber, more rocking. We must have done this three or more times.

I get out of the car, watch him shovel some and in a fit of tired resignation announce, "It's going to be stuck here FOREVER. Let's just leave it."

Never mind that it's in the middle of the road.

"They'll tow it if you leave it."

"Good. Then it won't be stuck anymore."

"Let's just try one more time."

Phssht. Reason at 2 a.m. Who needs it.

Adam pushes from the front, then runs to the back. Rocking. Burning rubber. Dirty snow flying.

Again. And again.

As the car spins futilely I wonder if the police officer and the tow truck driver are watching this epic battle of snow vs. car. vs. humans.

Then the Blue Angel and I let out a squeal so excited you'd have thought we got invited to do the dance-scene in Slumdog Millionaire.

WEEEE! We go careening down the snow-bright street.

This morning I woke up and wondered if it was a dream. Then Adam says, "From now on if we are ever called out at 2 a.m. by the cops, one of us has to bring a camera."

Then I apologized for rolling my eyes at him when he insisted on coming out with me, and added, "I can't believe you did all that in your pajama pants. Hahahahaha! Oh hey, if I get stuck again going to work will come back and get me?"

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