This Is A Joke

Look how happy we are!

Welcome To OurPerfectDay.com.

Hello friends and family! So nice of you to click our way in an anticipation of the Big Day! It's sure to be the BEST DAY of Paul and I's lives. It truly is a dream come true - finally! (I'm not getting any younger! :) )

If you haven't already heard - though how could not have I've told everyone - Paul and I got engaged at one of our favorite restaurants, La Mexicana, where that clever devil put my two carat diamond ring (who gets a one carat ring anymore, no one!) into my chicken taco and I bit right into it. Thankfully diamonds are one of the hardest stones out there!

After nearly choking to death, I spit that beauty right out and immediately put it on my hand. I'm spoken for, world!

Then of course I burst into tears and called 50 of my closest friends. By the end of the weekend, I had already planned our entire ceremony and reception. And I only cried four times. (But once was when I was alone and so no one really knew and therefore it doesn't count.)

If you're reading this then we're already severely close (only the closest of our 400 friends and family were invited) so all of you know that my dream since I was a little girl was to walk down the aisle to Beth, by Kiss. (I was REALLY into that song when I was a little kid. So I'm keeping with my childhood vision.)

We're having a sunrise ceremony overlooking the Ohio from Alms Park (since it's so early we figure no one will notice and then we won't have to pay the rental fee) and we'll be serving an assortment of Busken doughnuts (breakfast food is SO cheap!), along with tea, coffee and Bloody Mary's.

The ceremony will start at 5:30 a.m., but everyone MUST be there at by 4:45 a.m. because you'll have to set up your own chair as the rental place "doesn't do mornings." But I think it will be fun to watch all of you work for your delicious chocolate and sprinkles covered doughnuts! (Though we're having our photos taken afer the ceremony so it will be an hour or two before you can tear into them, so you should eat a snack beforehand.)

I'll be wearing a giant wedding dress (I've gained a few pounds since the engagement), with lots of crinoline, layers of taffeta and I'm having an extra long train attached to the back. Think Sarah Jessica Parker in the giant pink tutu she wore during Lovely perfume ad campaign - that was my inspiration. If you know exactly what I'm talking about, don't tell Paul, he doesn't have a clue!

My maid-of-honor Jen and her husband, Pat, will do the only reading, a dramatic interpretation of Robert Barrett Browning's Porphyria's Lover.

Some people may find Porphyria's Lover unsettling (her lover does strangle her with her own hair, after all), but I've always admired Robert and Elizabeth's passion for one another, and I think this poem really exemplifies what people are willing to do for love. Plus, Jen's hair is really long, which fits perfectly with the poem, and she's a really great actress. She was in speech and drama in high school.

After the ceremony we'll have a Mimosa toast, following by the throwing of my bouquet. Maybe one of you spinsters out there (I'm lookin' at you, cousin Shannon), will catch it. And I want to see some excitement and fighting. Blood even. Let the flowers fly!

We really can't wait for the Big Day and know that all of you have burned the date into your memory. It will truly will be the wedding I'd have dreamed of as a little girl if I had been the type of little girl to dream about her wedding!

Until then, I'll leave you with these lyrics to Beth that have so inspired me over the years:

Just a few more hours
And I'll be right home to you
I think I hear them callin'
Oh, beth what can I do?
Beth what can I do?


Joke inspired by Share Our Joy from Shouts and Murmors in the May New Yorker. It's a sarcastic and hilarious spoof on a couple's wedding Web site, complete with lots of wedding ridiculousness and over-the-top celebration details. I loved it. It made me laugh out loud. And since I'm kind of sick today, I decided to write my own parody Web site.