Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The Children of Mason Are Hilarious and Terrifying*

During those 15 glorious minutes of adult swim at the Mason pool this weekend, Ray and I took our lifeguard-given rights as adults and took over the diving board.

Instead of going to the snack bar and getting sticky popsicle goo all over their faces like normal kids, these kids remained lined up and (reluctantly) let us pass through while they waited for the whistle to unleash them into the pool again.

As the adults got on the diving board they chanted at us with increasing intensity.

Do. It. Do. It. Do-It. DO. IT. DO-IT, DO-IT, DO-IT!!!!!

It was a lot of pressure. And those kids are not shy about bragging either. As I waited for Ray one little girl turned to me and said, "I'm going to do a flip as soon as the whistle blows. Are you going to do a flip?"

I was afraid if I said no she wouldn't let me pass through. I am afraid of children. I think they are... feral.

No sooner did Ray hit the water than the whistle blew again. As I tried to squeeze past the lined up kids to make my way up the diving board one last time, they turned to me and yelled, "Back of the line!"

I am not kidding. It was like Lord of the Flies in that line. When adult swim is over, it-is-over.

So I went to the back of the line and waited.

As Ray was walking back the kid behind him boasted, "That's how you do a dive."


Ray was all, "Oh yeah, kid?! Well, I can drive!"

And kiss girls! Which probably doesn't mean much to this kid now, but it will soon enough.

Suck it, kids.

*Note: The children of Mason are not nearly as terrifying as their parents, who we watched yell at the kids for not being able to doggy paddle the length of the diving area and back. These kids were like, four, and they were doing a great a job getting to one end, but their parents (dad's mostly) would never know because they were too busy being disappointed and competing with the other parents. I felt like I should adopt all of them, even though they will grow up to boss people around on the diving board.


Katie KS said...

I enjoyed too much walking around all the kids waiting to go down the curly slide at Sharonville pool during adult swim on Monday. I think that is the only time the pre-teens are jealous of moms!

Yvette said...

This is hilarious! The kids at the East Butler Co. YMCA take the adult swim to hoard the concession stand seeking popsicle goo ... I know this because four of them are my kids. But come whistle time marking the END of adult swim, madness erupts! Your footnote makes me sad though. There's plenty of time to push them to achieve, summer is for splashing and having fun.