It's Good Friday and I have the day off not because it's a holiday for me, but because I told the Boss Man I needed this important religious observance off to cleanse my soul.
I argued that if anyone needs to get closer to God it's me, so, pony-up with the approval, Boss Man.
He ripped up my request.
In fact, I have a stack of PTO requests he's ripped up. He doesn't believe in God or work-life balance, while I happen to be a firm believer in work-life balance.
I will go to the mat for PTO. I will judge anyone who isn't a zealot for time off. I observe days off with reverence, like it's my religion.
Me: Tomorrow is an important religious holiday and I'd like the day off to observe and reflect.
Boss Man: You can't even say that with a straight face!
Me: I can. Really. But... I just heard a really funny joke and umm... back to my serious convictions about wanting the day off tomorrow...
Boss Man: *rips up my PTO request
Me: What would Jesus think about your complete disregard for the environment... and my desire to get in touch with my spiritual side?
Boss Man: *beating his head against the filing cabinet
Me: I'm going to walk up all those steps at that church in Mt. Adams. You know, get ready for the Pig and repent all at once.
Tiffany (who teaches Sunday school): Do you even know what happened on Good Friday?
Me: Yes. Jesus rose from the dead, that's why it's called GOOD.
Tiffany: No. It's when he DIED.
Boss Man: Ohh, sorry we don't all have YOU as our Sunday school teacher.
* wait, Boss Man and I can't be on the same page here... back to the fight
Me: You're not helping, Tiffany. Er... I mean, this is why I need the day off, to educate myself. I'm a sponge thirsting for divine knowledge.
* Knowing he'd rather be stabbed than touched, I resort to guerrilla tactics and touch the Boss Man's hand, forcing a pen into it; he cowers in fear and disgust
Me: Sign the PTO slip or the hand gets touched again.
Boss Man (finally signing): You are the devil.
Ok, he didn't really call me the devil, but probably only because he doesn't believe in the devil.
I'm off to