Everything Else Is Boring To Me Right Now

Curling. Biathlon. Speed skating. Snowboarding.

I could not care less about these sports any other time of the... ever, but when it's Olympics time I'm at the edge of my seat watching... skiing.

Yes, I am SO into skiing!

Biathlon? Hell yes. Why wouldn't I want to watch people ski, with guns. Who's bringing over the hot chocolate?!

(Dear god, why was I born into a blue-collar Mid-western family in virtually the flattest state in the Union instead of an outdoorsy Norwegian family where I would have mostly likely/totally probably become a world-renowned Alpine skier, marksman and Olympian? Inspiring NBC Olympic Vignette title: She Shoots, She Skis.)

It's also during this time of year I come down with seasonal Olympic allergies.

I'm not crying, ok?! It's just... my allergies. Olympic allergies. This is a serious medical condition, people! Now, pass me my hot chocolate. *snif

And can I make complaint, NBC? Where is my ability to download a giant all-encompassing tv schedule with fun animated graphics, where luge athletes speed across the screen and you can feel the cold and spray of the snow on your face when you click on the freestyle skiing button? The schedule that will also alert me with Shaun White's voice whenever there is something being broadcast I might want to watch or set my DVR to watch. And why can't it intuit events I might not even know I want to watch but will end up totally loving for their inherent talent/drama/divine showing of sports as metaphor for life?

Really? That's too much to ask? Hello, iPad? Where is the app for this?

And another thing, NBC, these mobile/email alerts I signed up for. You're not going to alert me of a final when I haven't yet watched it on my DVR, are you? Because that would be really, really uncool. And cruel. Is there a box I can check that will eliminate any updates that includes heat, semifinal, or medal results? I just want to be alerted that shiz at the Olympics is awesome as usual and, 'Oh, hey Gina, don't forget you DVRed hockey to watch tonight.' (Shaun White's voice.)

Oh yes, hockey! I freakin' love hockey!