Party in the USA

Good news, y'all! I'm not getting evicted!

Ok, not that I was really going to get evicted, but I kinda thought there was a possibility of me getting evicted because the jerkwads I rent from left me a lease at my door last week saying, "If you don't sign this we will totally evict your ass. And your lard-ass cats, too."

But I was all, "Go ahead and try, beeyotches, because I'm totally gonna look up Ohio Revised Code 'cause I know the law absolutely tries to help people who don't own $1.2 million buildings, so in your face!"

Except... hold on a sec, y'all... the law is... not like that at all. Shit.

Then I sent a really nice email to the likely cute (I've never actually met her, but aren't they all) rental girl saying something to the effect of, "Hey, you seem like a mostly nice person... Why did you tell me my rent would be one thing but the lease says it's another, and that "another" is a helluvalot more than what you said? Not cool, sister."

So tonight I get home and there's another envelope at my door. Aww, shiiiiiit, I'm thinking, I'm getting evicted for reals now.

But then - surprise! - it's a new lease at the amount we had previously discussed with a letter saying, "My bad."

Ok, actually the letter was really too long for what it said and ol' girl needs an editor (kinda like I do for this blog post) but that's essentially what it said.

I. Will. Totally. Sign. In. My. Own. Blood. Cause. This. Girl. Ain't. Moving.

As Kanye would say, "I'm really happy for you rich bastards and I'mma let you finish... but let me give a shout to my boy Bob who can best summarize this sitch with his groove Dear Landlord ."

Party at my pad, y'all. Who's bringing the new Miley? (Don't hate, it's completely catchy and she drops Jay-Z and Britney. Boom.)