OMG: For Immediate Release

CINCINNATI - Finally, a blog with chocolate and caramel topping!

omgHelmetSundae is your Great American Ballpark tour guide this season for the one topic that's underserved by Reds blogs: Ballpark food.

Because you can read about trades and games and scores anywhere, but you can only read about hotdogs, nachos, brats, lemon chills, pretzels, coneys and peanuts at omgHelmetSundae.

"It is the only blog in Greater Cincinnati with sprinkles," said creator and ballpark food eater Gina Blogs. "We'll tackle important, hard-hitting issues like, Should fans follow up a coney with a Lemon Chill? Or get a pretzel first? And during what inning should they go for the helmet sundae? There are no other blogs answering these questions, but certainly the fans are eager to know."

Indeed they are. According to Sitemeter reports, omgHelmetSundae is already racking up 3 visitors a day, and the first helmet sundae of the season is still 36 hours away.

"I had no idea it would be these huge," Gina Blogs admitted.

But omgHelmetSundae has not started without some controversy. Its first few posts takes no prisoners in admitting it's a rival blog to omgReds.com, an irreverent, "balls out" blog with Mr. Redlegs as its mascot.

When asked to comment on why she'd take-on an already established, much bigger Reds blog, Gina Blogs said, "My logo is cooler."

omgReds.com founder, Dan, released this statement: "Ummm... we blogrolled that shiznit. Whatevs."

Hold on to your mini baseball helmets people, because tomorrow is Opening Day and omgHelmetSundae will be photo blogging the first bites of the season!

-30-

Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down

All of these people did the 15k but me. Suckers!

I was all, "I can't catch my breath. I need to walk for 20 more seconds."

The Tall Drink of Water was all, "You don't need 20 more seconds, you want 20 more seconds."

Daaaang.

But thanks to his pushing, I was able to smoke my last 5k time at the Heart Mini this morning. Ow! Ow! Then I ate a delicious brunch, courtesy of Gretchen's mad breakfast casserole skillz, then took a long nap.

Some photos from the race.

Macaroni Grill Kenwood, Now Closed

In attempt to "carb load" tonight (e.g. eat our body weight in pasta) the Tall Drink of Water and I went to Macaroni Grill in Kenwood.

It's closed.

The empty parking lot and dark restaurant was the only confirmation we needed, but a sign taped to the door elaborated with, "This restaurant is now closed. Please visit our other restaurants."

We went to Arthur's instead. I had the Cajun Chicken linguine. I'd recommend the burger instead.

Layin' Low

TDW's a model, you know what I mean and he does his little turn on the catwalk.

I'm takin' 'er easy right now for all you sinners.

Ok, actually I'm takin' 'er easy for me. I've got a cold comin' on that I want no part of. So I'm kicking back with some tea with lemon and honey, some Zicam and high hopes I've got it shook by Sunday.

Sunday I'm supposed to run the Heart Mini. I'm doing the 5k and the Tall Drink of Water has agreed to run with me (and allow me only 60 second walk breaks) before he runs the 15k.

I had a cold during my last 5k too, the Jingle Bell Run. Clearly my body is rejecting these things and I should take heed.

I'm hoping to beat my Jingle Bell Run time on Sunday, which I think I can do if I run at all on Sunday. So, you know, rule.

I blame a lack of Easter candy for this cold. I'm not sure why but I've had virtually no Easter candy this year and the lack of stale Peeps in my diet seems a likely culprit. I'm gonna need to get some Peeps stat!

Speaking of stat and hospitals and what have you, TDW and I are doing the Heart-Mini on Children's Hospital team, which has raised $28,000 for the American Heart Association. (A drop in the bucket compared to the $1 million+ Children's gets from the AHA in research money, though.)

But the best thing about participating on the Children's team is that the back of our shirts have only the Children's logo, instead of being all crapped up with the gazillions of logos like everyone else's shirts.

Ha ha! Our shirts have more white space.

I So Wish This Was My Story

A colleague came into work this morning and chirped, "So I got kicked in the face this weekend!"

Apparently my colleague's friend was lying across some barstools posing for a photo at The E on Saturday night when a particularly awesome song came on. (I'd name the song, but I can't. Big Brother is probably reading this.)

In her excitement her friend kicked her leg into the air and drove her spiked Jessica Simpson heel into my colleague's mouth, which resulted in mucho blood spillage.

She said the heel went right into her palate, "like, I tasted her heel."

To try to make amends - and furthering the scene that was created - her friend got down on the floor and said, "Go ahead! Kick me in the face! I deserve it!" Meanwhile, my colleague is bleeding from the mouth and spitting up blood, embarrassed she was "that girl" at the bar.

Ahhhh. Just thinking about it makes me laugh so hard I cry. I don't know what I was doing Saturday night when this happened, but I'm certain it was not as entertaining as this.

How Did This Happen?

Somewhere between three and five years ago my parents got way cooler.

Last week they went to see Bruce Springsteen, and earlier this month they traded in my mom's Taurus for a Pontiac, complete with a sunroof, leather seats and tinted windows.

It's like I don't even know them anymore.

Something New Everyday

Yesterday I saw an x-ray of my back and pelvic area and after the doctor pointed out that my hips are rotated (awesome), he also pointed out a bunch of staples that showed up on the x-ray.

What?!

I knew there were probably two staples, one on the left and one on the right. But as he pointed out on the film there's actually a whole mess of them.

"Unless you ate staples for lunch, there's more than two," he said, then he started counting. "There's ten."

There was a fleeting moment where I thought, Did I accidentally eat staples for lunch?

My question is, What are they all stapled to?

Oh Great

I thought the grapes I was just eating tasted kinda weird but I wasn't paying attention because I was looking at my computer.

I just looked down and realized they're covered in white fuzzy mold! FYI - mold tastes like kitchen cleaner. I thought the baggie I have them in got into contact with a cleaner somehow, but no. It's just moldy grapes.

What is the likelihood this will make me sick later today? I'm in Flash training all day, so hopefully if it does make me sick it happens after Flash training.

Your Vote Is Important

Snow Bound

The Blue Angel, now with more snow.

Last night the Tall Drink of Water and I put on our snow boots (yay, my snow boots had their coming out party!) and walked up to Lemongrass for dinner.

There was about nine feet of snow. And it was up hill, both ways.

This morning there was even more snow. We were going to walk to get brunch but nothing was open, so we didn't. It's just as well, walking four blocks in nine feet of snow up hill both ways is kinda hard.

That's the Blue Angel, on the Left

As seen from the confines of a non-snowy apartment.

Non-essential employees in my department got the boot at 11:30 this morning. I love being non-essential!

Because the Blue Angel weighs only about, ohhh 40 pounds (rough estimate), we slipped and slid and burned our tires all the way home. It was tenuous at times, but the Blue Angel didn't get stuck. Whew.

That's more than I can say for a Porsche I got behind for a few miles, which I watched get stuck and unstuck and slide sideways down Madison, nearly side-swiping another car.

In the midst of this I got a panicked call from a colleague who announced,"I'm not gonna make it up Reading! I'm getting stuck! Oh no, I'm sliiiiiding!"

Good times!

What I hope is winter's last gasp is more like a hiss. Like a big, giant, snowy hiss.

All Right Designers!

This season's Must Have is a Chris Glass original. Get your own!

Primary election? Whatever! The real contest will be decided tomorrow by Heidi, Michael and Nina.

Will it be an America filled with Rami's draping and visions of Joan of Arc?

Or perhaps everyone will stay warm and fashionable in one of Jillian's cleverly detailed jackets.

Or perhaps Christian and his pointy 80s hair will come out on top and everyone will be wearing skinny black pants, ruffles and Aquanet next season.

Any way it goes, Tim Gunn wins!

Re Gets Her Dance On - RIGHT NOW!

Tonight was a big night at dance class. BIG.

On my left the entire hour was none other than one of Cincinnati's stellar TelePrompter readers.

HINTS: She and I share the same first name, only her has a "re" in front of it and her last name rhymes with Lusso. (Maiden name rhymes with Parswell.) Got it? Let's call her "Re."

So, I wasn't sure at first if it was even her because she was sans make-up, and you know how shockingly different news people look without their theater make-up on. Plus, she rolled in with a hoodie pull-up over her head, all Uni-Bomber like.

I was wildly entertained by this, wondering, "Is she doing that because she's so famous? Like she doesn't want we non-TelePrompter readers to speak to her while she's trying to bust a move?"

For the first 15 minutes or so she kept her hood up and scowled, like she was in hell. She even hung out in the way back during parts of dances and sulked at everyone. But then, post-warm-up, LOOK OUT! Re was gettin' down. Don't even get in her way during an arabesque with a turn. She will run your wrong-way turning ass over! And look like she's having a good time in the process.

By the end she was looking like she was enjoying herself, but she bolted just before our leg calisthenics. Can't blame her for that, except the instructor put on some Jody Watley. Now who can turn down something as old-school 80s dance as Jody Watley? Not me, kid. But Re and her hoodie were Audi 5000.

Anyway, I totally missed her when she was gone.

Rick Was All Talk

Someone Left the Cake Bucket Out in the Rain

Me and a few crew members checked out Hyde Park's latest watering hole Thursday night, which is where Fudrucker's used to be, before it became a Nothing But Noodles then a Wild Bowls. Now it's called the Rusty Bucket.

Hope y'all got your tetanus shots.

I was actually surprised at how different it looks. I guess I thought it'd look like the noodle joint, only with beer instead of pasta. Nope. It's actually a pretty nice, roomy joint. We sat at the big round bar, as we are want to do.

It's been open only since Tuesday though, which kind of explains all the breaking glass. There were no fewer than three plate/glass/tray crashing incidents when we were there, one of which of sprayed glass onto the bar in front of us. A few minutes later I noticed a big shard on my lap. Whatevs. At least the bathrooms were clean. (Though one stall was out of order, as is customary at every bar. Wtf?) Other than spraying glass, the service was excellent.

Jules had some nachos, which she said was "all right." Translation: These aren't very good but I've had a few Miller Lite's, so I'll eat anything. Then the three of us shared a few orders of the Rusty Pail (Rusty Bucket? Rusty Nail? I can't remember what it was called exactly, but it was Rusty something), which was four mini-burgers.

By that time I'd had a few Miller Lite's myself and let me tell ya, Yumee on the Rusty Trail, er Pail, or Nail or whatever. Those mini-burgers, grilled with cheese, onions and pickles, hit the spot. And they came with fries too, so word up to that.

Overall, I'd give it a B. But not an A because, you know, the flying glass and all.

TITLE RELATED: If anyone knows the song lyric from where this blog title came from, I should mention my dad sang it every day throughout my childhood. It's such an awesomely ridiculous chorus I thought he made it up. But it works here because, you know, the bucket had to get rusty somehow. Seems plausible it might have gotten left out in the rain.